The seeker
by Meow the Unicorn
Summary: Regulus is madly in love with James Potter, just as James feels excluded now that Sirius and Remus are dating. But will James return Regulus feelings? A/N there is something wrong with the sections/parts of the story, but I ll think you will understand when it is a pause. Really, I did try anything to fix it, but my computer is evil sometimes


_The seeker_

The seeker did a back-flip in the air, as his eyes found the snitch. It was not long after the whistle was blown and the game had begin, and he was already way ahead. «McKinnen scores for Slytherin, and the game is set 10 to nothing against gryffindor, but it looks like Potter has spotted the snitch! But slythering`s new seeker..»

the voice continued, but James had only eyes for the little golden ball, hovering close to a tower clad in silver and green. It was true, James thought as he flew after the snitch, on the best broom ever made so far; the other team had a new seeker. It had been rumors about that it was Regulus Black, sirius` brother, but James was not really sure. It was not exactly easy to know who everybody was, as he dived under a bludger, coming for the left. When he looked up, the little golden ball was gone. Damn it. His mind went to his friends at the grandstand. Remus and Sirius probably didn't even pay attention, snogging each-other and all. It had sort of freaked out both James and Peter in the start, seeing them together in a way the other hadn't ever thought of, but they had gotten used to it after a while. Still, it was not that pleasant. For example, every time James wanted to go out doing pranks, Sirius was to busy with his boyfriend, and Remus the other way around. It was only James and peter, and James didn't like peter that much; he nodded to his ideas with an eager smile, but he didn't participate. The occasions when their friends did join them, they often got caught because the others wasn`t careful enought, finding running away from teachers and prank-victims boring, compared to snogging in the hallway.

James would not deny that he was jealous, there he was hunting for the snitch. Not because he fancied his friends as anything more than just that, but because it seemed like they had forgotten him when they had each-other. As if he wasn't important anymore.

And there it was, right over the shoulder of...

James froze, but then he relaxed. He had first thought it was Sirius and wondered what he was doing up there under a match, but then he saw it was his brother. So it was true, that he was the new seeker; not a very good one, it seemed, not noticeing the snitch centimetres from his right ear. James didn't know much about Sirius` brother, just that he was a bit more pro-slytherin than Sirius, and that he probably used the word «mudblood,» as a word against muggleborns. It made James sick.

He really looked a lot like Sirius. Long, black curls to his shoulders, and blue eyes, tough they lacked the amazing spark of mischief in them. He just seemed sad, or afraid, James was not sure which one.

If James rushed forward now, he would crash into Regulus but also probably catch the snitch. But something held him back. He tried to convince himself that it was because the slytherin seeker looked so much like his best friend, but deep down he knew there was something else to it.

He made a big circle around the other, which made the snitch get away, and the other seeker to pay attention to it too, as they hurried forwards on their brooms, trying to be the first to close there fingers around the golden ball.

But James was way ahead of him and his fingers quickly caught it, to the audience` ecstasy.

The gryffindor party went more or less as suspected. There was candy, butterbeer and firewhiskey, and people quickly got a bit to much to drink and ended up singing loud and not very pretty, but James was not one to judge. He was very happy about his victory, and his friends even congratulated him before they found a place by the fireplace, a drunk Sirius snogging a lesser drunk Remus, who tried to tell him that people was staring, but the black dog did not care of stupid facts like that and simply continued, and in the end Remus stopped protesting and joined in.

Lily Evans was quickly located leaning against the wall between the girls`- and the boys` dormitory. James was on his way over, when his path was blocked by a boy older than him with a slightly creepy smile showing hidden attentions pulling his arms around her. James froze where he stood. No, he thought. _No_. One thing was his friends, but his Lily? He looked away as she embraced him. Not in the same straightforward way as James` friends did, but more tender and caring, telling that there was no hurry; Lily would be with him for a long time.

James walked against the portrait hole. It was stupid, he knew; it was his party. Did he need friends to hang around, he could just ask someone. He was friendly enough to know all the gryffindors more or less. Did he want a girlfriend then there was plenty of girls wanting to date him. He was not a boy who only thought about one thing; being with lily and protecting her from harm would be just enough,.. but no. She was in the arms of Charlie MacDonald, Mary`s brother.

James stepped out of the portrait with a short «goodbye,» to no one in particular, and he was greeted a «don`t be out to long, potter,» by the «trinne damen». He walked down the stairs and almost walked into a figure sitting on the top of the steps. He was surprised to find Regulus Black looking up at him and smiling shy. «Just sit down if you want to,»

That had not been James`plan, he just wanted to get as far away from Lily as possible, but since the other boy had asked...

He sat down next to him, smiling a bit. «You are Regulus, right?» James asked, hoping not to be rude. It was an unnecessary question, he had asked Sirius after the match and he had confirmed that it was his brother playing.

The younger boy nodded. «Yes, and you are James potter, Sirius` friend,» he added. James frowned slightly, not used to being known as that, but he let it go. «You were great today, James,» his opponent said in a low voice. James looked at the slytherin with surprise.

«Err.. you were too,» he hurried to say. Regulus smiled a crocked smile, looking slightly like his older brother as he did.

«No, I wasn't,»

James didn't know what to say to this, not wanting to get in a fight of who was good and not, so they sat in silence for a while. «He wants to apologize that you to don`t speak so much anymore... He really don`t want to loose contact, but he really likes the werewo-»

«So you`re what, his deliveryboy now?» James snapped, still mad because of Charlie MacDonald. «You`re an owl? Is that it?»

Regulus quickly looked away. «I-I`m sorry.. I just wanted to tell you that he apologizes, that`s all..» he went quiet for a while. «But that is not the only reason I wanted to speak with you,»

«Ok?» James raised an eyebrow, looking patronizing at the other boy. «So what did you want?»

Regulus looked at the wall opposite of them, as the stairs they where sitting on moved, but they didn't panic. They weren't first-graders either.

The silence fell upon them, but James` eyes widened as he thought of something. «How do you know that he`s a werewolf?»

Regulus blushed slightly by this, though James didn't understand why. «Sirius and I tell each-other everything, - we are closer than you think. But don`t worry, i haven`t told anyone,» he sighed. «Mum would go crazy if she knew Sirius was dating someone like him, like she would lose it completely if he dated a mudblood-»

«Don`t you dare!» James looked at him, hate in his eyes. The boy frowned, as if he couldn't see what was wrong with his statement. «Don`t you dare use that word!»

Thoughts of Lily came into his mind, and he quickly rose and disappeared down the stairs and out of sight before Regulus could ask what was wrong.

«He hates me!»

It was Christmas-vacation, and Sirius and Regulus sat in Regulus` bed, his face close to the wall as he from time to time banged his forehead against it, as though that would help anything.

«He does not hate you,» Sirius sighed for the ninth time that night, a bit tired of his brothers fright. It had been a shock to him when Regulus told him about his crush on James a few years back, but he had gotten used to it by now. He had never told James, as Regulus had made him promise not to, but in his quiet mind he did not see how his younger brother would have much chance on him. James did not seem particularly interested in guys, and he hadn't even met Regulus, although regulus` stare rested on James practically every time they ate in The great hall. Not many knew; only himself and Albus Dumbledore. He couldn't see why his brother had told their principal this, but perhaps they where closer than Sirius had guess, a thought that made him a bit uneasy. Not that he expected Dumbledore to do anything... of such, but you could never know. Regulus was Sirius` brother no less; he was going to take care of him!

Their mother didn't know that the boys even talked to eachother, and in public they didn't say much to each-other, and if they did, it was only sharp remarks about stuff noone cared about. They were truly diffrent in some ways; how regulus was more like their mother, thinking that bloodstatus actually mattered, altough sirius tried to teach him diffrent.

«You should try to speak to him more, maybe you have a lot in common,» sirius said, brushing Regulus long locks behind his ear, smiling encouraging at the fourteen-year-old.

«That will not make him fall in love with me,» he said, looking down at the snake-pattern covering his pajama-pants.

«Look,» Sirius said, lifting his chin. «I know how it is to be in love, but what you will realize quickly, is that the title _boyfriend _does not matter, as long as you spend time together,»

«Do you have any ideas how I could speak to him?» Regulus asked. Sirius smiled. «Yes, actually, I do,»

The idea was stupid, really. Sirius had stolen one of the quills James didn't use from his backpack in their transfiguration class, and Regulus job was to walk up to James with it and «return it,» to him. It was simple, but Regulus was sure he would find a way to destroy everything. The sixteen-year-old boy was dashing. Hazel eyes, sparkling with life under the square glasses. Black, messy hair. Always smiling, although Sirius had told Regulus he was heartbroken by the time because of Lily.

Regulus struggled to breath as he walked closer to James, his brother, Peter and the werewolf. Peter left as if it was fate by the time he reached them, saying he had something to check in the library. It might be Sirius who told him to say that, but it didn't seem like it. He was to buisy cuddling his boyfriend against the maple-tree to really pay any attention.

Regulus felt his heart beating quickly; it felt like his chest was going to explode. He forgot how to breath, how to think. The last of his thoughts before he had walked over to James was that Lily Evans had to be an idiot, to turn down someone who looked so much like a greek god, and instead choosing someone else.

«H-hi..» he stuttered in a low voice when he reached them, but his voice was obviously to week for them to hear. Then he coughed shy in his fist, and James turned to him. He didn't look like he liked him, but he didn't dislike him either, it seemed. Regulus felt strangely relieved by this.

Sirius just glanced at him, before pulling Remus with him. To James it might look like Sirius left because he didn't like the look of his brother, but Regulus knew his brother wanted to let him spend time alone with his crush. A part of him was thankful, but the other part wanted to scream to him and beg him to come back. He had no idea how to talk to James or what to talk about. It was all to much.

«I.. err..» he mumbled, his mind seemed like it had froze. How could his body betray him now? How was he ever going to get his crush to like him back, if this was his reaction whenever he had a crush? Well.. that wasn't really true. He had never been in love with anyone else before James.

«Yes?» James looked expecting at him, clearly wanting to go after his friends instead of being here talking to his friends brother. Regulus just wanted to cry. He couldn't speak nor move, and didn't remember his «brilliant plan,» to get James and him to talk easily. He would _never_ be able to speak easily to the man he loved. He wanted to die, to fall asleep, to find some way out of here, and wished desperately he had learned to disapparate. His fingers made small twitching movements. It was horrible. He just stood there glaring at James. The older boy probably thought someone had cursed him, or that he was simply retarded. «No!» he wanted to yell. «I love you!» he wanted to yell, but nothing come. Not even a little squeak. By Merlins beard, how stupid he had been. All the dreams where he had gotten James for himself, to tell him how he felt, to kiss him and be kissed back. All the nightmares he had been trough when James laughed at him, mocked him, called him names.. this was probably worse.

«Are you OK there?» James asked, frowning in concern, he touched regulus` shoulder.  
It was like his body suddenly started working again. His thoughts, his muscles. Everything was suddenly working fast. «I... I am sorry, i just wanted to return something to you, but then I-» Regulus stopped in his flow of words. He didn't really know what had just happened.

«It`s OK,» James said, looking like he found the other boy somewhere between amusing and really strange. «What was it you would return?»

Regulus eyes widened. «Oh, right,» he hurried to find the beautiful golden quill with the dark red feather, - the colours of gryffindor-, to it`s original owner. «I found it on your desk after you left,» he said honest. Sirius had placed it behind the cupboard in the classroom for him to find, being sure that they had both had classes in that classroom before he returned it to James, to make it seem more probable if James examined it closer. He did not, tough.

«Oh, thank you,» he smiled a crocked smile that made Regulus` knees feel like jelly. «my father bought it to me for christmas, it is one of the quills i like the most, but i`m afraid i don`t use it enough. Saving it to a special occasion, you know, and then never using it?» he laughed slightly. Regulus just nodded, happy he didn't need to say much. «I got ink too. Golden, and red. Though you probably don`t use those colours much,» his faze laid on Regulus` chest, to the green snake and the silver. «What did you get from your father for Christmas?» he asked.

Regulus coughed slightly before he spoke, afraid his voice would fail him again. «My father.. isn't much around,» he said. James looked at him, a comforting look in his eyes. «I`m sorry...»

«No, it isn't your fault,» he almost yelled, before blushing. He felt like an idiot standing there, and at the same time there was nowhere he`d rather be. James started walking slowly into the castle again, and Regulus followed him, though not sure if that was James` attention, or that he wanted to get rid of him.

Regulus smiled slightly. He wondered what James` patronus was. Perhaps a stag, like himself, or perhaps something else. He almost wanted to ask him, but thought the question would be to personal, so he just walked along with him, listening to James talking about different things that didn't really have anything to do with each-other. A lot about Gryffindor. He seemed really proud to be there; Regulus understood, though, he would too love to be brave. If anyone else had told him all the facts and such that James spoke of, he would get bored pretty easily, but this was _James_ speaking, and James words was always interesting to him, no matter what he said. Some part of him hated it, but he did, truly, love James.

The raven haired boy stopped in front of a wall. «Have you been here before?» he asked, his chin jutted towards the wall. Regulus didn't fully understand the question. Yes, he had been in this hall before, but it was just a ordinary hall, one end leading to the Clairvoyance-attic.

James saw his confusion and smiled. «Let me show you,» he said, and walked three times back and forth in front of the wall. Regulus couldn't hold back his grin, at how foolish his crush looked. But then he gaped as a door was forming out of nothing in the wall. James opened the door and held it open for him, and they walked inside.

It was the strangest room Regulus had ever been in. It looked like everything was stuffed everywhere. Random objects from different times.

«This is the room of Requirement,» James presented proudly and bowed slightly. Regulus walked between shelves, startled. It was a big cupboard, white roses growing out of something that reminded of a dead snail, the roses eating each-other as they grew, a clown with a wig, brooms and probably billions of other strange things.

«It.. is amazing,» Regulus whispered, more to himself than to James.

«No one can find us here, unless they already know about the room. It will change after peoples needs,» he smiled. Regulus blushed as a toilet appeared.

«Perhaps we should go to a real bathroom,» James chuckled. «come on,» he said, walking back to the door. «I just wanted to show you this,»

«Thank you,» Regulus whispered, in a voice to low for James to hear. «Thank you for showing me somewhere special to you,»

After Regulus had done his business at the boys bathroom, they walked down the hall. James froze as he saw Lily Evans and Charlie McDonald making out, heading for the girls bathroom. It didn't seem like James knew what he was doing when he stormed after them into the bathroom. Regulus stood outside, not wanting to follow them in there. He wondered what James did, and what he said to Lily. Maybe he yelled. Maybe he declared his love.

Regulus looked into the grey brick wall. Everything suddenly seemed hopeless again. James was in love with Lily, and had been since even before Regulus started at Hogwarts. James liked girls. He was just together with Regulus because he needed someone to speak to since his friends were busy, or even more likely; because he knew how Regulus felt and hung out with him out of pity.

He would never think of him like the slytherin felt. He would never feel James` soft lips caressing him. Because why would anyone love someone like him?

Out of nowhere, Helena Ravenclaw appeared. Regulus knew she was shy, and had no hope of her gliding towards him, but she did. She smiled slightly, though it was a sad smile.

«You should tell him,» she said, smiling at him, but her eyes were sad. Regulus wondered if it was because of his unrequired love, or if she always looked like that.

«I.. can`t,» he sighed. «It is times when i`m with him, that i can`t even breath nor think. And suddenly, i feel like he is my best friend and i can tell him anything. It is so.. weird,»

He didn't ask why Helena know how he felt about his brothers friend. She was the daughter of one of the cleverest women ever lived; that should be enough.

She smiled her sad smile. «That is what love is. I know love is not always simple. It is one of the few things in this world that does not have a logical explanation; perhaps the only thing. Still, the most intelligent man would stutter and blush if they he met the right person. Love is not always easy, but it is _needed_. By a persons family, by their friends, or by a crush. Everyone need to know that there is some arms that will always hold around you, take care of you, support you. Everyone need to feel that safety,»

Regulus frowned by her words. «So how shall I tell him?» he asked, but she was already on her way away from him. He sighed. She couldn't help him. Sirius couldn't help him. In the end, it was just him and James.

A pair of arms pulled James out of his loud sleep. He mumbled angry at his weakener, but then he saw it was just Remus, so he claimed slightly. The brunett smiled at him, though a bit tired; it was not long until another full moon.

«Regulus is asking for you,» he said and yawned.

«I- what?» James frowned. «Regulus? Why?» he wondered. He had been with Regulus from time to time that week, but the younger male was so... strange from time to time. It looked like his brain blacked out. He had read about it and wondered if it was some sort of schizophrenia, but he hadn't had time to ask him or Sirius about it jet. Remus just shrugged and went back to his bed, swearing at Sirius from occupying most of it, snoring loudly into remus` pillow.

James didn't bother fixing up before he walked down to the commonroom and the portrait hole. What did the slyterhing want from him in the middle of the night? He wondered, his mind working slowly because of the lack of sleep lightly.

Regulus stood outside with a rather shy smile. «I... just wanted to wish you a happy valentines, i guess,» the boy said in a nervous voice. «since Lily probably won`t,» he added, before looking terrified by his remark. James just nodded tired, not bothering getting mad by the boys remark. Still, if he was afraid James would get pissed, why did he even say it in the first place? Well, it didn`t matter much, the gryffindorseeker thought. He was actually doing surprisingly find without Lily. As if he had always known that she would find someone else, but not daring to realize it. She was his first love, and people was stupid when they where in love. He would never forget her, but he would manadge. «You wanted to ask me a happy valentinesday..» james summed up, looking at Regulus with a strange look.

The younger boy hestitated, then replied; «Yeah,»

«.. At three AM?»

«... Yeah...»

James grinned. «Fine, then. Do i get anything?» he joked. Regulus chuckled. «No, but i wanted to show you something,»

«show me what?» James asked, suddenly interested.

«That is a surpirse,» the boy said, starting to walk down the stairs. James followed him, in his pajamas, - but this fact was long forgotten.

James was a bit more on guard as Regulus lead him into the forbidden forest. They walked for a long time in silence. It was not that James was afraid to do things against the rules, of course not, but he wasn't used to do so without his invisibuilitycloack, but that was stuffed in his robes back in the dormitory.

Regulus stopped by a medow, and sat down. James copied his behaivior, and looked at him at the corner of his eyes. «What... did you want to show me?» he asked.

«Not.. show you... exactly.. more..tell you,» the younger boy breathed heavily, and it looked like he struggled keeping his voice calm. James smiled encouraging, tough he did not see the nessasaryity to walk such a long way just for Regulus to tell him something.

«I.. James..» he mumbled. James nodded. «yeah?» he said, trying to seem happy and encoriding, but the boy just seemed more stressed, so james sat quiet instead.

«Do you still.. like Lily?» he asked in a low voice.

«Yeah, i do,» James said wihout hestitating. «But i`ve gotten used to teh sitation as it is; it is nothing i can do to get her now; she will never love me,»

«well.. err.. i feel the same way,» Regulus said. He looked scared.

«What do you mean?»

«I.. am in love,»

«With lily?» james` eyes widened.

«Of course not,» Regulus snapped. He didn't look at him as he continued. «You are truly.. beautiful, James,»

James sighed. «don`t... do this..» he said in a slow voice.

Regulus` heart seemed to break by his words, but he continued. «I have watched you for years. You are the reason i bother waking up in the morning. The reason why i bother doing as my mother tells me. The reason i haven`t just.. ended it all, already,»

«Do you mean-?» James gasped, but Regulus just continued;

«I know you like lily, but i want you to give me a change. Just -one-. i`ll prove i am worhty of you. I`ll prove how much i care. Please... I want you to know how much you are worth,»

James looked away. «Regulus, we can`t just-»

«Why not?»

«It.. is.. I..» James said, not really finding any good reason why they couldn`t be togehter. It wasn't like he was a homophobe or anything.

«Your friends might forget you in the future, but i never will. I want you to know; you are my first crush. My only crush. I won`t stop loving you, ever. A part of me will love you even if i move on, but if we are together that part will only grow, and i will be yours... as long as you want me to be with you, i`ll stay. I feel for you what you feel for lily. Just give me one chance..»

James looked down. «I..» he mumbled.

Regulus looked at him with hurt eyes. «Please,» then he smiled carefully. «I picked you some flowers,» he said in a small voice, giving James a beatufiul buqet of flowers he had found in the medow, growing all around them.

James smiled.

«Fine, i will,» he said, leaning closer to the boy, and Regulus felt as if his heart would burst as his lips where caught by james` soft once. «But only one~»


End file.
